Father's Day

This is not about technology or the future. This is about relationships and the past.  

This is not going to be about how fatherhood changes your perspective as a manager and a leader (though it did for me). I wouldn't know how to write that without sounding condescending (though, it's actually about earned humility.) This is about having perspective period.

My oldest brother once asked me what it was like to grow up without a father. I told him that that was just how it was. I figured it had to be harder for him to have had one and then suddenly, not have one around every day.  

What I really should have said is that I had a father. Or rather, I had a host of them, and one of them was him. What I should have said was thank you. 

But, like many things, I didn't really understand his question until I became a dad.  

I mean, when you grow up without one, how do you know what a dad's supposed to do? According to TV, it was to show up late and sound wise (sometimes in the Old Testament way, with righteous anger.) But, since I was partially raised by television, I will include them in my list of things I learned from my fathers. 

My list of things that I am thankful for from all of the people who served as fathers to me over the years: 

To my mom - for showing me the commitment to keeping the family together and the strength to get up every day and make a living. (And for once telling me, when I was assuring her that I was normal, "I certainly hope not.") 

To my sisters - for being absolutely committed to your children, not as extensions of yourselves but as people who have been gifted to the world. You are all special individually, but I am going to lump you together because father's day is inherently sexist. 

To my brother Joe - who shows me every day what it is to be a good man. 

To my brother Jesse - who taught me how to drive a car, how to fish, how to work with tools, but most importantly, how to work hard every day. 

To my brother Mike - who taught me that it's a family's job to look out for each other. 

To my brother-in-laws - who show me by being committed to their marriages as well as their children, that you cannot be a good father without being a good husband. 

To Mr. Laverick - who took me out for pie when kindergarten let out before anyone else was home, and showed me that fun is an essential part of life. 

To Mr. Poindexter - who was the first example of a strong father figure I witnessed and taught me that strong families not only know no color, but don't see any color.  

To my JV basketball coach - who hassled me for getting a B on my report card, while praising the other guys for getting C's, because life is about doing your best. 

To my father-in-law - who shows me that you can always keep growing your family. 

To my nieces and nephews - who make me excited about the future. It helps me to know that my sons will have such great role models in the family. 

To my friends - who taught me that it's important to be yourself; that being a winner doesn't mean you have to make anyone else a loser; that being a good man is easier when you surround yourself with good men; that it's important to be a good sport, but that doesn't mean you should like to lose; and that being a good friend is an important obligation.

To my coworkers - who taught me, over time, that yelling is not persuading. And that just because someone does what you tell them to do, doesn't mean you've helped them to understand why they should be doing it - which means they won't do it to their best abilities and won't do it when someone isn't making them.  

To my wife - who teaches me every day that it's ok to show someone that you love them, that integrity will always pay off in the long run, that being loved is the best reward for all the hard choices, and that laughter is as important as air. 

Finally, to my sons - who teach me humility, patience (still working on that one) and joy. And who give me the opportunity to say thank you to everyone on this list by passing along those lessons.  

I still have a lot to learn. Including how to show my gratitude. Let's let this be a start.